OK, I know this sounds like a stretch, but rock with me for a minute.
Every spring I put out hummingbird feeders to attract those irresistibly, adorable little balls of energy. I sit here and watch the hummingbirds chasing each other throughout the day. I have the pleasure of having a hummingbird feeder mounted outside of my office window, and if you don’t know much about hummingbirds once you attract them they come back frequently. Who’s going to turn down an easy, guaranteed meal right? Anyway, one hummingbird will come to the feeder and drink from the nectar but when another hummingbird shows up they don’t share the feeder. Even though there are eight drinking spots on this particular feeder, instead of sharing, they concern themselves with what the other is doing. They hover just above the feeder, watching each other, meanwhile expending a ton of energy. Most of the time both of them end up flying away or one chases the other away, without refueling with the nectar that’s right in front of them. They will give up the thing they came for just to chase the other one away. We could argue the obvious, which is that this is simply their nature.
It occurs to me, though, that often times in life our behavior is reflective of the hummingbird’s behavior. We get so concerned with what others are doing. This is particularly true as entrepreneurs when it comes to our competitors. We get so wrapped up in our competitors, watching them, looking to see what their next move is, and trying to outdo them that we end up missing out on the opportunity that is directly in front of us and our’s for the taking. If we could just exist side by side and keep our attention on our own path, we’d accomplish so much more and with much less heartache. Some food for thought.
OK, so there’s the connection to how we’re like hummingbirds, but what do we do about it?
When we compare ourselves to others there’s a cute little word I like to use called comparisonits. It’s not a word I coined personally, but I’m feeling that on a deep level. So, when we start looking to others to see what they’re doing maybe we’re drawing from their awesome-ness. That’s cool, but more often that not we’re not drawing anything but anxiety. We’re comparing and nit-picking ourselves to death. The thing we have to remember is glancing over to see what our neighbor is doing gives us a very shallow picture of what’s going on. We’re still clueless about all of the behind the scenes stuff. How did they get to where they are? What amount of effort did they have to put forth? What did they have to give up? We don’t know. All we know is what we see. So comparing where we are at to where they are at is not only not helpful, it’s harmful. It makes you feel less-than, incapable, and probably very frustrated or defeated.
How we shift going forward and break the habit is where we have an opportunity to grow. Have you stopped looking over at your neighbor yet? No? OK, so let’s do this…
What is it that you find attractive-in a non-physical way- or inspiring about her? Is this something you want to reproduce for yourself? If the answer to that is yes let’s do that. First, we are going to stop the “she’s further ahead than me”, “she’s better at that than me”, and “I should be as far along in my business as random other business woman”. It may be helpful to replace that dialog with something like, “I love that about her. I’m going to strive for that (in my own unique way)”. That’s quick advice but a life long habit that needs to form and it takes time and practice to create that habit. Do yourself a favor and take that time. It’s worth it and so are you! Then we are going to take those traits that you’ve identified as attractive and figure out what about you and the way you are already exhibit those traits will help you to develop them further…in an authentic way…on your own time. Remember this is about you, not her. You’ve got your own journey, with your own unique hurdles and strengths, and you can be everything you admire in others…in your own way. Yes, I know I sound like a broken record. I just really want you to understand that I want you to strive for all of those things you admire and others as long as you’re doing it in a way that lets you be you.
So, the reality is this is a really quick rundown of comparisonitis and how to work through it. You may find yourself getting stuck, though, and that’s normal. Completely normal! If you feel like you need someone to help you to work through this reach out to a life coach. If you think you and I may be a great fit, get on my schedule for a free 30 minute consultation. I’d love to chat with you!
P.S. Have you signed up for my 21-day challenge yet? Start your free 21-day whole-self-care challenge